I actually started off my post with two whole paragraphs in Bahasa Melayu baku. I had to stop cause the sentences looked really funny :P I have a few more Anatomy notes left to revise, but I feel strongly drawn towards writing about this topic first.
Lately, I have been spending more time on Twitter as compared to Facebook & Blogger. I kinda feel as though Facebook isn't the best place for me to share my thoughts anymore. As for Blogger, I really don't have that much time to go from blog to blog & I do feel that I'm somehow losing my momentum. I hope that by writing this post, I could somehow replenish that :)
In Twitter, I obviously get to read real time tweets & updates from so many different people, even from the ones I never knew about. Over there, things are less bound to your circle of friends, unlike in Facebook. Speaking of which, I silently sat in my kitchen scrolling down the Twitter timeline when a tweet captured my attention. It was a retweet of a tweet from a girl called Dena Bahrin. I heard that she got married & she's still young; I think she's probably my age or well, just around that.
What do I feel about it? Obviously, I'm super happy for her :) Think about it. She's married and she's young. She officially escaped the sin of haram coupling. How blessed & wonderful can that be? It's a rare occasion to see people nowadays getting married at that stage of life. To many and even to my family, getting married during early years in University is not a real option although we all know how positive marriage is :)
Coupling & marriage are synonymous to almost everybody. I cannot deny that I have experienced being somebody's girlfriend before. I had the experience of loving a guy with all my heart. We made plans, we dreamt of our future, we cared for each other. The only thing missing was the "halal-ity" of our relationship. That was our ultimate barrier. It was awful to get reminded at the back of our minds that every single step of our relationship was a sin. It's as though you're eating something that tastes good but smells bad (Sorry for the sudden awkward food-related metaphor! :P)
At some point during long chats with my mum, my mum would ask me whether I have a guy who I like right now & vice versa. The topic came up so often that it became a routine for me to chuckle a "no" as my reply :P I always tell her that I wish to wait till the time is suitable for me to get married. I know that I would not be able to get married before graduating like how Dena did & I also believe that I am not prepared yet too. I never said it was easy to wait that long, but I know it will be worth while.
Deep down in my heart, other than my family's hopes, there are some personal reasons to why I don't mind waiting till the right time comes. A big part of me wishes to not get heartbroken anymore. Not that marriage doesn't have divorce, but after all that I've been through, I truly feel that being together before marriage is too much of an uncertainty to me. Back in the old days, it used to drive my mind crazy thinking of whether I will be able to make it to marriage with the guy I deemed to love. In the end, in my case, all of that was just worthless. So much for all those endless thoughts.
In a few more weeks, I will officially be 20 years old. According to my estimation, (hopefully), I'd be able to tie the knot in more or less 5 years time. That's a pretty darn long way to go. Well, what can I say, I'm still in my first year of med school :P "It's okay", I always tell myself that. Alhamdulillah, so far, I could feel that Allah has been helping me so much in keeping me strong. I really hope that this would continue. May what marks the end of the journey of my romantic-feelings hiatus is an authentic & blissful falling in love feeling the moment I get married to my husband someday :)
P/s: Being the mood pooper that I am, please pray for my finals okay :) I'll be having 5 major exams this month. Do pray for me if you're reading this :P