Thursday, February 16, 2012

Twisted Feelings

Assalamualaikum,

Hmm, I haven't been expressing myself like I used to in my blog like I did before because I guess I have been using Twitter as a substitution somehow. However, today, the 140-words limit in Twitter might not be enough.

At nights before I sleep, and at random times, I realise that so many things actually cross my mind. They are thoughts that I somehow find hard to share even with people who are close to me. All I feel like doing is writing a gist of this whole thing in this post.

To cut to the chase, I sometimes wish I could turn back time and mend things or put my life on fast-forward and know how it would be like. Hmm, I know, I shouldn't feel this way if I have faith in Allah. I know I should work towards my goals and leave the rest to Allah. I know I shouldn't be living in my past nor daydream relentlessly about my future. I know these things, so I'm still wondering, why am I even thinking like this?

I don't know, maybe I'm this overly-concerned type of person; I expect a lot of good things for myself and I'm afraid some would expect a lot from me too. When things don't go the right way, I would freak out. If I sense that there is a chance I won't be getting what I look forward to, I would be super anxious.

Have you ever felt that way? :/

Well, I may need to spend more time with Him and I hope to get at least a speck of strength.