Saturday, December 18, 2010

La Tahzan

Hey peeps :) Hmm, I'm up late tonight sebab nak study sebenarnya. But then badan rasa letih sangat. Nak tidur, but then rasa macam rugi kalau tidur. Nak study pun takde mood. I'm undecided on what I SHOULD be doing.

You know, like what my post title says, I felt like I was actually missing something. Sometimes, to think back of everything I have, I actually do have almost everything I ever wanted. I'm now taking the course that could lead me to the course I want, I have a great family and superb friends, I'm almost satisfied with how I look, but seriously, to me, there seriously IS something missing.

And then I try to think deeper and deeper. Maybe I AM missing something. Something REALLY big. All the times I have been living in this world, my objectives are always berasaskan keduniaan. Hmm. It's common in our society. To be aiming things which are not for the eternity.

I do pray 5 times a day, but I still feel empty inside. I don't know how to collect that strength to focus more on Allah. Even during praying, frankly speaking, my mind would wander off, thinking about all the duniawi things. I hate to think that I'm doing good things not for Allah. It just looks so insincere right? :(

I know I'm not such a good person. I haven't come to the part where I cover my aurat completely. I still swear occasionally. I have this selfishness at times. I know that somehow, I have this huge titik hitam in my heart and sometimes I feel like it's growing. Haishhh. I feel that the right thing to do is mend my heart before I mend the rest because if I do it the other way round, wouldn't I seem like a hypocrite?

La Tahzan, means "Don't be sad". My mummy surprisingly bought me that book, by Dr 'Aidh Abdullah Al-Qarni. It was a coincidence that she bought that book for me. After my break up, I have been aiming to buy that book but I had other things to use my money for. It seemed like a miracle that she bought the book I aimed to buy. I haven't read a single page yet, but I will be reading it soon insyaAllah. Maybe I'd bump into some answers to my worries from the book.

It would be cool if anyone would like to share some opinions here. Thanks for reading :)